I have done the second tattoo thing. I managed to nearly pass out in the middle – it has been really hot and I needed a drink. It feels like a new start. But I had this nightmare and I woke up thinking, “What on earth have you done?”.
I do have a lot of negative feelings about what I have done. I am not sure if they simply need to be worked through or just accepted. I do feel like I have come to a threshold: no more wearing masks for other people. No more escaping into the crowd for identity – I am me. I am not really sure what that “me” is or what it looks like. I am super glad for the people in my life who help me try to see that “me”.
I do feel more optimistic about things. Like I can see a future now. Maybe I can really see a present? A moment when I stand alone with Jesus. I am still thinking about writing. Even just writing for me. Or doing something else?
Sorry, that is all very random.