life changes so fast

I never used to get those “Trigger Warning” starts to social media posts. Yet, recently, I have become more aware of triggers in my life. And I finally get the warning. When I am alone I am better but various people and contexts trigger me in various ways. Mostly they make me doubt myself, feel anxious, and then depressed. Of course, that is the start of it.

So now I have a problem: I know the trigger so should I avoid the people and contexts? Or should I simply be aware that the trigger is on the way? Should I simply prepare for the trigger and hope for the best?

I know I need to stand up for myself – say things that I need to be said. I need to be open about triggers and open to people that trigger me. And not be defensive about being triggered. But I feel I have hurt someone whom I care about by being triggered. It is not personal but it makes it hard for me to be around that person.

My past has made me hypervigilant – I am always on the look out for being a disappointment and a burden to people. I read too much into people’s words and actions, and I need to stop double guessing every situation. The double guessing triggers me! I do feel the normal reaction people have to me is disappointment.

Today has been an interesting day. I read some spirituality that I really needed to read. It has put me on an interesting path. I spent time with some nice people. But I have also had to face a major trigger and now I am struggling.

Anyway, I pray your day has been good.

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